Romance Scams — How Fraudsters Target Seniors Online

For three months, Joan thought she had found love again.

He called himself David. A retired military doctor, widowed, stationed overseas. He sent her sweet good-morning messages. He asked about her grandchildren. He told her she was beautiful. After years of loneliness following her husband's passing, Joan felt alive again.

Then David said he needed $8,000 for an emergency surgery. Joan wired the money without hesitation. Two weeks later, he needed $5,000 more. Then $12,000. By the time her daughter discovered what was happening, Joan had lost over $40,000 — and "David" had vanished completely.

Joan is not alone. And if her story makes your stomach drop, good. Because romance scams are the single most financially devastating fraud targeting older adults today. And they are growing at an alarming rate.

What Are Romance Scams?

Romance scams — also called love scams or dating scams — happen when a criminal creates a fake identity to build a romantic relationship with you online. Their goal is not love. It is your money.

These scammers are skilled manipulators. They study human psychology. They know that loneliness is powerful, and they exploit the very natural, very human desire for companionship and connection.

Unlike phone scams targeting seniors that rely on pressure and fear, romance fraud works through patience and emotional intimacy. A scammer might spend weeks — even months — building trust before ever asking for a single dollar.

That is what makes these scams so dangerous. By the time the request comes, you genuinely believe you are helping someone you love.

The Numbers Are Staggering

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) reports that Americans lost over $1.3 billion to romance scams in a single year. That number has more than quadrupled since 2017.

Here is what makes it worse: adults over 60 lose the most money per incident. The median loss for seniors is over $9,000, but many victims lose tens of thousands — some lose their entire life savings.

And those are just the cases that get reported. Experts estimate that the real number is far higher, because many victims feel too ashamed or embarrassed to come forward.

There is no shame in being deceived by a professional con artist. These criminals do this for a living. They are sophisticated, organized, and relentless.

How Romance Scams Work — The Playbook

Romance scammers follow a predictable pattern. Understanding their playbook is the best defense you have.

Step 1: The Perfect Profile

It starts with a fake profile on a dating site, Facebook, Instagram, or another social platform. The photos are stolen — usually from a real person's account. Think: an attractive, well-dressed person in their 50s or 60s. Often someone in a military uniform, a doctor's coat, or business attire.

The backstory is carefully crafted. They are usually widowed (so you feel sympathy). They work overseas (so they cannot meet in person). They have a child or grandchild (so you feel a connection). Everything about the profile is designed to make you feel safe.

Step 2: Love Bombing

Once you connect, the messages come fast. Good morning texts. Good night calls. Compliments that feel genuine. Questions about your life, your family, your dreams.

This is called "love bombing" — overwhelming you with attention and affection. It feels wonderful, especially if you have been lonely. The scammer makes you feel seen, valued, and cherished.

They are very good at this. Many romance scammer stories from real victims describe this phase as one of the happiest periods of their lives. That is exactly what the scammer wants.

Step 3: Building Trust Over Weeks or Months

Unlike other scams that demand immediate action, online dating scams are a long game. The scammer invests time. They remember details about your life. They share "personal" stories (all fabricated). They may even send small gifts.

This phase can last weeks or months. The longer it goes, the deeper the emotional bond — and the harder it becomes to see the truth.

Step 4: The Crisis

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, something terrible happens. A medical emergency. A business deal gone wrong. Getting robbed while traveling. Being stuck at a foreign airport with no money. A sick child who needs surgery.

The crisis is always urgent, always emotional, and always requires money. The scammer does not ask outright at first. They might just "share" the problem and wait for you to offer help. Or they might say something like, "I do not know what I am going to do."

Step 5: The Ask for Money

When the request finally comes, it sounds reasonable. And because you care about this person — because you have spent months building a relationship — your instinct is to help.

The scammer will ask for money through methods that are hard to trace or reverse:

• Wire transfers (Western Union, MoneyGram)
• Gift cards (iTunes, Google Play, Amazon)
• Cryptocurrency (Bitcoin, Ethereum)
• Bank transfers to overseas accounts

They will never ask for a check. They will never give you an address to mail something. They want money that disappears the moment you send it.

Step 6: More Requests, Escalating Amounts

One payment is never enough. The crises keep coming. Each one is more urgent than the last. And each request is a little larger.

Some scammers will even "repay" a small amount early on to build credibility — making you believe the bigger amounts will come back too. They never do.

Where Romance Scammers Operate

Internet dating scams do not just happen on dating sites. Scammers go wherever their victims are. That includes:

• Dating apps and websites — Match, eHarmony, OurTime, Plenty of Fish, Bumble
• Facebook — Through friend requests, dating groups, and Messenger
• Instagram — Through comments, direct messages, and fake profiles
• WhatsApp and Telegram — Once they move you off the original platform
• Online games — Believe it or not, Words With Friends and similar social games are common hunting grounds
• Religious and community forums — Scammers exploit the trust in these spaces

The key lesson: catfishing and romance fraud can happen on any platform where people communicate. You do not have to be on a dating site to be targeted.

10 Warning Signs of a Romance Scammer

Print this list. Share it with friends. Tape it to your refrigerator if you need to. These are the red flags that separate a genuine connection from a dating scam.

1. They Can Never Video Call

This is the biggest red flag. A real person who cares about you will eventually get on a video call. A scammer cannot — because they do not look like their photos. They will always have an excuse: bad internet, broken camera, they are in a restricted military zone.

If someone refuses to video call after two weeks of messaging, something is wrong.

2. They Claim to Be Overseas

Military deployment. Working on an oil rig. A doctor with an international aid organization. An engineer on a construction project in Africa or the Middle East. These are the classic cover stories because they explain why the person cannot meet you — and why they might need money sent internationally.

3. The Relationship Moves Extremely Fast

They say "I love you" within days or weeks. They talk about a future together, marriage, moving in — before you have even met in person. Real love takes time. Scammers do not have that luxury.

4. They Always Have an Excuse Not to Meet

Every plan to meet in person falls apart. A flight gets cancelled. A work emergency comes up. They get sick. Something always prevents the face-to-face meeting.

5. They Ask for Money

This is the clearest sign. No one who genuinely cares about you will ask for money before you have met in person — period. Not for an emergency, not for a plane ticket, not for anything.

6. Their Photos Look Too Perfect

If someone's profile photos look like they belong in a magazine, be cautious. Do a reverse image search — right-click the photo, select "Search image with Google," and see if it appears elsewhere on the internet. Many romance scammer profiles use photos stolen from models, actors, or real people's social media.

7. They Want to Move Off the Dating Site Quickly

Scammers want to get you onto WhatsApp, email, or text as fast as possible. Why? Because dating platforms have fraud detection systems. Once the conversation moves to a private channel, there is no oversight.

8. Their Stories Do Not Add Up

Pay attention to inconsistencies. Do their details change? Do they contradict something they said last week? Do timelines not make sense? Trust your gut — if something feels off, it probably is.

9. They Get Defensive When You Ask Questions

A genuine person welcomes your curiosity. A scammer gets agitated, offended, or guilt-trips you for "not trusting" them. This is a manipulation tactic designed to stop you from investigating.

10. They Ask You to Keep the Relationship Secret

If someone asks you not to tell your family or friends about them, that is a major warning sign. Scammers know that the people around you are the biggest threat to their scheme. They isolate you on purpose.

How to Protect Yourself

You do not have to give up on finding companionship online. You just need to be smart about it. Here is how:

Do a reverse image search. Before you invest emotionally, check if their photos appear elsewhere online. This takes less than a minute and catches a surprising number of fake profiles.

Never send money to someone you have not met in person. This is the golden rule. No exceptions. Not even a small amount. Not even for a seemingly legitimate emergency.

Insist on a video call early. Within the first week or two, ask for a video call. If they refuse or keep making excuses, end the conversation.

Tell a trusted friend or family member. Share who you are talking to. Show them the profile. Get a second opinion. Scammers rely on secrecy — breaking that silence is one of your strongest protections.

Take your time. Real relationships develop gradually. If someone is pushing for commitment, declarations of love, or financial help before you have even met — slow down.

Check their story. If they say they work for a specific company or are in the military, verify it. Search for the details they have given you. Visit how to tell if a website is safe to learn how to research people and organizations safely online.

Be cautious with personal information. Do not share your home address, financial details, or personal documents with anyone you have only met online.

What to Do If You Think You Are Being Scammed

First, and most importantly: it is not your fault.

You are not stupid. You are not gullible. You are a kind person who believed someone who was specifically trained to deceive you. Professional scammers have fooled doctors, lawyers, professors, and retired executives. Intelligence has nothing to do with it.

Here is what to do:

Stop all contact immediately. Do not give them a chance to explain or manipulate you further. Block them on every platform.

Do not send any more money. No matter how convincing the next emergency sounds. Even if they threaten you. Even if they claim they will hurt themselves.

Save all evidence. Screenshot every conversation, save every email, and keep records of any money you sent. This will help law enforcement.

Talk to someone you trust. A family member, a close friend, a counselor. You need support right now, and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Contact your bank. If you sent money through a bank transfer, call your bank immediately. In some cases, they may be able to recover the funds or stop a pending transfer.

If you suspect that a scammer might also be targeting you through scam emails, report those as well. These criminals often use multiple channels.

How to Report Romance Scams

Reporting matters. Even if you do not recover your money, your report helps law enforcement track and shut down these operations — protecting someone else from the same heartbreak.

In the United States:

• FTC (Federal Trade Commission): File a report at ReportFraud.ftc.gov
• FBI IC3 (Internet Crime Complaint Center): Report at ic3.gov
• Your state Attorney General's office — search for your state's consumer protection division

In the United Kingdom:

• Action Fraud: Report at actionfraud.police.uk or call 0300 123 2040
• Citizens Advice: Free guidance and support

On the platform where it happened:

• Report the fake profile on the dating site, Facebook, Instagram, or wherever you were contacted. Most platforms have dedicated reporting tools for romance fraud.

You Deserve Love and Safety

Let us be clear about something. Wanting love, companionship, and connection is one of the most human things there is. There is nothing wrong with looking for a partner online. Millions of people find genuine, meaningful relationships through dating sites and apps every year.

The problem is not you. The problem is the criminals who exploit that very natural desire.

Being cautious does not mean being cynical. It means respecting yourself enough to protect your heart and your finances at the same time. You can be open to love while still being smart about the risks.

If you or someone you care about has been affected by a romance scam, please know this: recovery is possible. The money may or may not come back — but your dignity, your self-worth, and your ability to trust again absolutely can.

Share this article with someone who might need it. Talk to your friends about these warning signs. The more we bring romance scams into the open, the harder it becomes for these criminals to operate in the shadows.

You deserve both love and safety. Do not let anyone convince you that you have to choose between them.